Life

After a few days of bright warm sunshine weather, it turned into rainy gloomy weather. I felt so lazy to head out and just wanted to stay indoors where it was warm and cozy.

However, armed with my umbrella I headed to the sports centre for the first ever MORSE sports activity -- football! I wasn't sure what to expect but it was pretty fun since most people didn't know how to play. Lots of kicking the air and passing to the wrong person etc.

I am not too sure what happened but I managed to aid in the scoring of a goal. However it was for the opposing team. -.-'' People were all laughing and I was like hmm.. now.. what just happened. Haha... ;P

We played for about 1.5 hours and I felt totally exhausted after that. The aftermath of playing football = body aching and I feel like an old woman. >.< I guess that shows how unfit I am.

We had probability theory revision class today and I think everyone's suffering the same effects. We are a bunch of 'old' people, for now. ^^

Ta-da! New layout with chat box installed! YAY me! Haha.... I should be studying but look what I did with my time. =D

Since friends are asking 'why no access???!!' I guess I shall not restrict the blog.

p.s. I didn't know people were still following after my lack of updates. >.<

Back from Brussels. Pictures with Pei Lynn. My camera's faulty so I didn't bring it along. =( Hope it won't cost too much to fix it. I'm suspecting something is loose inside. When I shake the camera, it switches modes, e.g. from taking pics to review pics. So weird.

On another note, my Swatch watch battery gave out on me. Luckily I still have my Guess watch. Hopefully it'll last till after exams. >.<

Will update more about the trip soon! Loads of DRAMA. Haha... gonna go bathe now.

p.s. restricted blog permission to family members. now, daddy and mummy have access too! =)

Love you all and been missing you all LOTS! Hope the internet connection at home will be working again soon.

p.p.s. Daylight saving adjusted and now the time difference is 7 hours.

Going holiday tomorrow!! YAY!!!

Pei Lynn bully me for access and now she wants to hack into my blog to delete this. Hmmmmmmmm........

Oh, and I didn't bring camera, she said she not going to give me pictures with her inside. Haihhh.... See larrrr.....

Okay... shall stop here in case she kills me in Brussels. Oh noooo.. OHHH I'm safe, she said she will kill me after that cause she don't want to go alone.

Nvm this post if you don't know her. Oh and if you don't hear from me, you know who to ask. HAH!!! Okay.. shall stop NOW.

Often I plan holidays and it doesn't work out.

People seem to be busy and do not have time to go along with it. At other times, people are half way across the world, too far to join me.

So many times I have sat and planned and thought about all the things that could be done. I feel disappointed over and over again. Yet, I still keep planning and looking forward to them, I guess I'm just silly that way.

Somehow it just feels special to be able to think of a place you really want to visit and when you actually do, it just feels extra special. I always feel wary of sharing my plans since I'm afraid it won't work out or just gets ruined. It feels as though once I talk about them, they are doomed to fail or opened to rejection or criticism.

Places I want to visit don't work out. I wait for a few months, a year, two years and still it doesn't happen. I've been meaning to visit a place for such a long time that after more than two years, I just gave up on ever going. When I finally went, it wasn't so special anymore. I guess it just got ruined by all the disappointments along the way. Hmm... I guess I just have to keep trying and someday, hopefully my plans will all work out and I finally manage to set foot on where I would like to go.

I wish my family were here and we could all go together.

-.-''' Sitting in front of the computer doing assignment till it's nauseating. Geez.. thankfully listening to songs on my ipod helps reduce the effect. I never thought this would ever happen. Hmm.. I wonder if there's any scientific explanation to this.

On another note, test tomorrow and then one assignment to rush! I don't feel too stressed out which is rather surprising. I actually feel rather happy. Weird, eh? Hmm.... I think perhaps the computer got to my brain too.

I realise change. I feel change. I see how I am changing which surprises me. I didn't think it would be something one is aware of unless of course if done consciously. It feels as though I am looking at myself from a third person's perspective and I can see how I am evolving in certain aspects. Perhaps everyone feels that way, hmm.. I don't know.

Sometimes I lose myself, sometimes I get so involved that I forget where I am going and what I am seeking. Sometimes I lose track of what's important and what isn't. I feel thankful that at least I do remember them at times when it is crucial and important. Sometimes certain things amazes me. Yet, certain things scares me. Sometimes I can't explain how I know what I know. I really believe someone's looking out for me and I am truly thankful for all that I have.

I am blessed and I am grateful for it all. =)

I am going to be happy.

I miss my family.

As I was walking home today, a thought just came to my mind... this happens quite often, weird random nothing that somehow become a string of sentences in my head which I quite often forget to write when I reach home. Oddly, most of the time they flow into a nice paragraph in my head but just get all tangled up when I try to recall them.

Anyway, I shall try my best of efforts to write them down from now on. =)

I was wondering how it would feel like to be an uncut, unpolished, ''un-found'' diamond. You can mingle with the stones and pebbles, roll around in the dirt and no one would care less. When you're discovered, you're chipped here and there, cut away into pieces, polished and then become a decorative object. Let's say you become a rock on someone's finger, people go WOW when they see you and you might even evoke jealousy or even theft which results in negativity amongst people. Hmm.. just wondering if the diamond were able to think, how would it feel...

If it were your choice, would you choose to be a shiny diamond or would you be contented playing around with the pebbles?

p.s. it is not meant to be emo! it's just a random thought. I guess you could say it's a little weird, perhaps the stones on the way home made me think of it. Haha.. =P

p.p.s. I think I should put a shoutbox so people could leave their comments by the side but I kind of forgot how to do it. >.< Help?

Did not have a good rest yesterday...

Apparently certain people were vacuuming in their room at 4am

*grumble grumble*

It's chinese new year again and I'm missing out on all the festive fun yet again. *sniff!!* I am seriously missing the atmosphere, friends and family, even the cheesy chinese new year songs although I must say there are more and more modern ones as the years go by. Oh, not to forget all the worrying about putting on weight due to the incredible amount of food and cookies available and then dismissing it almost immediately and indulging! Haha... all the wonderful food~

Here in the UK, it's quite like cny doesn't exist. There are no 'red' decorations around, no nothing. The only notion and feeling you get it's new year is the occasional 'happy cny' greeting you here from fellow asian friends and of course the get together friends organise. Other than that, it's lectures as usual. What a huge difference.

I must say though, that the greetings from friends, people I haven't really heard from and family plus the new year card and emails received are very very much appreciated. They are the few little things that bring forth the new year spirit. Plus of course, my dad's idea of listening to new year songs on youtube. Haha... =P

Went out with friends to 'Big Wok' in Birmingham for dinner last Friday. It was nice to hang out with them, it was the second outing we had as coursemates. The food was good, they even had crispy duck roll though the songs they played were not quite cny. It's quite weird to be celebrating cny to the tunes of 'don't cha' by pussycat dolls, if you know what I mean. -.-''

Sis came to visit on Saturday and we had some delicious Malaysian food and bumped into a cousin at the restaurant. Haha.. what a coincidence. Hmm... it was really really nice to have sis around. Went shopping after that and got some bargains at the market too. I felt happy! =) It felt quite wrong when I send sis off at the train station on Sunday. It was new year's eve and family members were suppose to get together and there I was saying bye byee... I felt a lot sad. Oh well, what can one do when school's on as usual on Monday. =(

Waited at the bus stop for quite some time that Sunday. I guess the buses were running late. Felt really tired when I got home but was so happy to talk to mum on skype and seeing everyone wishing me happy cny. =) We talked and talked and shared news which was really really nice. For a moment, I pretend I was just at home and my mum was sitting nearby talking to me. That felt nice. =)

Then, I got a surprised at about 9.30pm. My dad skyped and talked to me! It was approx 5am Malaysian time. I was so surprised and the first few things I said was 'why are you up so early in the morning?' instead of 'happy cny'. Haha... It's just so like me to check the time in M'sia when he called. I think dad's real sweet to wake up early purposely to talk to me and sis. I wonder if he did manage to catch sis online. Felt so so SO HAPPY! He said he'd promised to call either M'sian time cny eve or cny morning and so there he was. I thought with mum talking to me that was it. Haha... I'm so happy! Sometimes I think my mum and dad spoil me lots. =P

Despite the distance, I must say, I had a rather good chinese new year. I am a happy girl. =)

p.s. currently listening to Mgirls- The peach blossom opened (literal translation. =P)

On Monday, I went to seek a lecturer's help but got scared or rather I should say I was petrified and upset after that. Trying to recover from the whole incident which actually took away all my self-confidence and left me in a daze for the entire day. Couldn't study, couldn't function properly which was really bad.

Talked to a few people and especially my family. I feel so loved and care for by them that sometimes it touches me and ironically makes me cry, but just a little and in a happy way. =)

I feel extremely blessed to have a family like that. =)

On another note, happy chinese new year to all my friends and family.

p.s. SUPER MEGA PROUD of my sis for getting straight A's! ^^

I skipped my lecture today and studied the material at home instead. I think it's more productive this way cause I fall asleep in this particular module lecture. Plus, she basically reads from the notes anyway. >.< BUT, I will attend the Wednesday's lecture.

Hmm... cny just round the corner. I miss my family.

I need to stop being afraid of hurting other people's feelings and just say what I want and what I think instead of compromising on myself and what I want all the time.

ARGH...

Why am I always like this?!

p.s. Sometimes when I (e.g.) roll my eyes and the person happen to glance over, I don't know if it was noticed, but... I only did it cause I am super annoyed and irritated for a valid reason; I still get worried I might hurt the person's feelings. Haiz.. why do I care so much!

Finally done with test and exam. The exam was a nightmare but oh well, nothing I can do now. I felt as though I basically couldn't think during the paper. Things that I knew had me thinking for three times? Made careless errors as well. Lots and lots of marks flew away. There were like 9 questions and the two I didn't manage to do cost 40% of the paper. -.- I guess I got too stressed out and worried. I just really really dislike how things other people say manage to affect me so much. So disappointing. =( Anyhow, hopefully by some miracle it'll turn out okay.

It's the end of first week yet things started to pile in already. I'm starting to feel the stress and workload. Geez... 2 assignments given out in week 5 (due in week 10), a test in week 10, and four tests spreaded out this term for another module. Not to forget another assignment to work on over the holidays. -.-

Okay, enough talk about studies. That's making me stress out right now. Hmm.. weirdly blogger ate away this part of my post. So weird... Anyway, I was saying that I went swimming on friday. There's an allocated time slot 3-4pm for female swimmers only. However I had a lecture then and headed to the pool at 4pm. It was really awkward as there were more than 10 guys there and I was the only girl at a certain point. Even the lifeguard on duty was a guy... I felt rather out of place. I swam up and down the pool about 10 times and then headed home. I guess the guys were all waiting for 4pm to have their turn at the pool.

Saturday was a fun fun day. =) I went to London with two friends. We journeyed to the busstop at 6.30am and arrived in London at approx 9.20am. It was freezing cold!!! I didn't expect London to be so cold. We headed to Apollo Victoria theatre to queue for matinee tickets (Wicked, the musical). The box office wasn't opened and we had to wait till 10am.

I think we became popsicles during that seemingly endless wait. While we were freezing out there, it started snowing too. Great, huh? >.< Luckily we managed to get our tickets for a pretty good price, 25 pounds. The show was great and I really enjoyed the company. =)

Had loads of dim sum for breakfast and a huge tower of strawberry ice-cream after that. I am amazed at how much I put away sometimes. I think more exercise is in order. Haha... I am afraid of the weighing scales at this point.

Oh, we had korean food for dinner and eclairs for dessert after that before catching our bus back to Uni. It was a long day but really exciting and fun. Reached home at around 12am. Got to meet two people today and running around the city was good. Most of all, it was especially nice to see my sister and hang out with her for half a day. I felt happy and not so miserable anymore. =)

Okie, about time to go put my clothes into the dryer. tata for now ~

Managed to do SOME studying today but not a lot. There are 7 chapters and I'm still at chapter 1. I am reassuring myself that it is okay since I did badly during the first test, i.e. chap 1 and 2. SO, I should be able to go faster for the last few chapters. =)

Anyway, feeling really happy and at peace at the moment which is good. =) I feel as though with the passing of every single day, I learn something more, I am able to see clearer and also feel all that I have, especially the love from family and friends.

I feel blessed. =)

Haven't been writing and being ever so conscious about the eyes that actually read the nonsense and stuff that I randomly write makes it tough. Hence, noticeably the lack of posts. Anyhow, with the new year comes a brilliant idea and hopefully I will be able to write more! =)

Anyway, been travelling a lot this holiday. Prague, Canada and London. Things were just fabulous! Besides, summer break, ever since the beginning of university life, this is probably the longest holiday I've taken without any studying being done. Haha... I feel happy yet stressed out and worried at the same time. There's a little sense of doom but I hope that's just me being overly paranoid. ARGH! 5 days left to study for a major 55% exam. Hmm... 11% a day. I think that's manageable IF and only IF I manage to stop slacking off. GAH! I need to strap myself down!! See see? Proof: blogging at this insanely hour when I'm lacking the time to study and not sleeping!! -.-''

There's lots and lots I wanna write but sadly I think I shall listen to that little voice telling me I should go to sleep since erm... 4 hours ago? YIKES!

oyasuminasai ~ =)

Yay!! Holidays are coming!! ^^

Going places and having tons of fun.. Hehehe.. schedule quite filled up already. =P

Now, to finish two more tests and off I go! Wheeeeeeeee ~

It's nearing the end of term... another test down! (out of 6 this term, haha..)

Now, only two more to go. Today's was horrible; had to get all the appropriate ratios and figure out how and what to write! ISHK! 10 questions in an hour. >.< My hand hurt from writing so much. About a page a question. I think I need to learn how to write faster without words being illegible.

On another note, lots of random people talked to me today. It feels a little weird but nice at the same time. Oh! and for once, the person at the counter didn't check my ID! =P

Now, to have a little treat and then back to studying... This is going to be fun. =)

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I want to be there but I can't;

It hurts and I wish I could do something....

Thankfully things will be okay again :)

Things have changed;

No reason, no event, no occurences, just in a moment, in that frame of time, it feels as though for the first time, I am able to see. Oddly, it doesn't feel scary and yet somehow it feels familiar, it feels happy. In a sense, it is liberating.

In certain ways, it feels as though I'm starting to find myself again. It sounds really weird and it feels odd to say that. But that's just how it is. I feel different yet I remain the same.

I am starting to realise what you have given me and how you've always loved me. :)